Thursday, February 17, 2011

Healing and the fear of not...

Just to let you know... I'm not a wimp. I'm not a wuss. I don't cower easily at things that other girls women abhor. Things that may scare you do not scare me. Not bothered by critters for the most part. Pain does not usually put me down for the count. I consider myself to be emotionally and mentally balanced.

You've heard it said that "we make our plans and God laughs." Well, I don't believe that He laughs, but I do believe that He may shake His sovereign head a little. My God is powerful - this I know. My God is provider - this I know. My God is all-knowing - I believe this. My God is everywhere at all times - I cling to this.

Here comes the giant "BUT"... Lately, I've been struggling. After my sweet girl was born, I knew that I'd have a road long highway to recovery. I was told that it'd take longer than usual... that I shouldn't expect too much too soon. BUT... I didn't think that it would be too bad.

Flash forward three weeks, and I was still in more pain than I should be, so the doctor called me in to his office. He discovered an infection and called for antibiotics. He said this should clear it up. Two more weeks passed, and I went in for a "look-see." The antibiotics had not helped, and he put me on some stronger ones. "If this does not work" he said, "we're looking at surgery."

You can probably guess what happened. They did not work. So last Friday I went back to the hospital for a "repair" and now I am seemingly at square one... again.

I relate this not because I was sympathy, but because I want prayer. Currently, my spirit is one of frustration and discouragement. I've known my Savior a long time, and I know that the words of Jeremiah 29:11 are true. He knows the plans He has for us me. HE KNOWS... So He's known from the beginning that I would have a difficult recovery. He's known how hard it would be for me to not be able to get down on my knees and play with my angel. He's known how much strain this would put on my sweet husband.

He's known that at every step of this journey I would need  have to lean on and rely on Him alone for strength.

But friends... it's getting hard. Now back at the proverbial "square one" I am fearful, and I don't want to be. I'm scared of getting infected again, of not healing, of not being able to play with my sweet two-month-old. I'm having to choose joy, not because I want to, but because it's a command from my Lord. I'm having to claim His promises not because I feel like I want to, but because I know my faithful Savior and feelings aren't always part of the package.

I ask of you: Would you pray God's truth with me about my healing?

~ Personally, I've been residing in the Psalms:

* Psalm 103:2 - "Bless the Lord, Oh my soul, and forget not all of His benefits: who forgives all of your iniquities; who heals all of your diseases."

* Psalm 34:19 - "Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers Him out of them all. He guards all of his bones; not one of them is broken."

* Psalm 30:2 - "Oh Lord my God, I cried out to you, and you have healed me."

* Psalm 107:20 - "He sent His word and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions."

Please feel free to add to my list. I would love the encouragement for sure!

10 comments:

  1. I am praying for your healing, sweet MF. You are a good encouragment to ME as you trust the Lord. Love you much!

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  2. Psalm 23:4 Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

    Walking in the shadows is hard but...

    He hath "turned the shadow of death into the morning." Bunyan re: Amos 5:8

    Praying for the morning for you, and nice to virtually meet you!

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  3. Love you Em. Thanks for your sweet prayers!

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  4. Mishka - Great to virtually meet you too! Thanks so much for the encouragement. So thankful that He does turn death into morning! Thanks for reminding me and for your prayers!

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  5. Mary Frances, I'm so glad to find your blog! The words you write are such a blessing. I think we have some mutual friends but I don't know if we have ever met. Anyway, I wanted to tell you that I know exactly how you feel. I went through a similar situation: I had to have an abscess removed which was caused by complications from mastitis. I had a 5-week-old at the time.
    It was one of the most emotional times of my life. I spent my first Mother's Day in the bed crying my eyes out and running a high fever.
    Let me encourage you that the Lord will see you through and you'll be on the other side of this in no time. My baby is 10 months old now and those rough weeks are a distant memory.
    Anyway, if you want to talk to someone who's been there, please don't hesitate to contact me: susancarothers@hotmail.com.
    Praying for you!....and sorry to write a novel for a "comment."

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  6. I had quite the rotten time of it myself, although I did eventually heal. I'm lifting you in prayer!
    -Kristine

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  7. Oh no :(. I hope you heal quickly.

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  8. Thanks so much for commenting and reading my blog. It's very nice to meet you. Prayers your way as well.
    Whitney

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  9. Susan - your words mean the world! Thanks for the encouragement. It's just so nice to hear that I'm not the only women who has felt emotionally spent over one of the greatest blessings in their life! I will definitely be keeping in touch.

    Kristine, Anne, and Whitney - you guys are so sweet to be concerned. Thanks for lifting me up in prayer! I look forward to getting to know each of you better.

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  10. Mary Frances, you've got my prayers. I know it's difficult right now. I've been there, too. Repeat after me, "This too shall pass..." It's true. It will pass. It's times like these that the Lord intends to grow our faith. Times like these remind us that we are insufficient. Our strength is insufficient. Our plans are insufficient. How wonderful that HE alone is sufficient! His grace is sufficient. His strength is sufficient. We DEPEND on His supernatural strength to carry us through times like these. He is faithful! Blessings of peace, comfort, and HEALING to you, sweet friend.

    "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ." 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

    "Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21

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